Second thoughts...

I thought I was ready, I thought that with child #3, I knew the drill, was understanding about the transition, knew the benefits out weighed the negatives, but must admit... I'm having some second thoughts.

Thursday we went and registered Mr. Mr. for preschool, then we went and visited his classroom.  I knew he was tired, and really hasn't been himself these last few days, but wanted to get another feel of the room before we ship him off there in just a few short weeks.

The teacher welcomed us and the students were all sitting neatly in their circle time positions. I was able to fit the stroller on the end and we just observed what the kids were doing.  Mr. Mr. was just listening, soaking in the different sites and sounds.  Things were going good, until the kids were done with their calendar and began to sing songs.  These put Mr. Mr. on the edge.  10 little voices singing around him made him get that panic look on his face, but honestly he was holding it together, and so was I.  I usually get prepared to bolt,  to remove him for the stimuli as quick as possible, but even though I wanted to, I kept myself in check waiting... anticipating.  Things were going good...until... the big fat hairy spider song came.  This is the second verse that the children do to Itsy bitsy... not sure if it was the loud stomping and raised voices, or the change in routine... probably a combination of both.. but that was enough to put him over the edge.... so we left.

I know that it will be a change, and that he will get used to the routine and understand what is happening, and that it will be a process... but I'm still the mamma!  This is my baby!  I hate to see him upset, I worry that they won't know how to calm him, that he will be over stimulated and hate school! That he's too young, that when he comes home from a long day he will be extra miserable!

I don't remember being so worried when Mason and Dylan went off to school, but then again, I was working full time so they had been away from me since they were 6 weeks old!  Besides, Walker is different!  He is special!

I know this is normal and am not changing my mind.... its just nerve racking, I'm sure I will be following that school bus, tissues in hand.... 

A peak into a siblings mind....

While cleaning out Dylan's book bag, I came across the following:

Walker is my hero for many reasons. See Walker is delayed.  Which means he can't do what he's trying to do, like walk, crawl and talk.  With him being my brother I've learned many things. Like how to help hm in many ways.  Games an other activities to play with him, but what he's really shown me is no matter who or what you are, your still a person.  Now I love Walker very much and its sad to know he may never be like me, I wish that I could help. I wish I could get the money to get him a machine to make him a normal toddler. 

The big day

Individual Education Plan... i guess that is what it stands for... if not, its close enough, and its tomorrow. 

Yup, tomorrow, which means that me, daddio and mr. mr. will head over to the local public school and sit in front of a group of school administrators and educators and plan out what the next year of life for Mr. Mr. will be like. 

If you are part of the "special needs" crowd, this process comes with horror stories and celebrations.  I can understand how things, emotions and language can get out of hand when one is faced with discussing the weaknesses of their child, but honestly I am okay with that. It is the path to get him what he needs, and what I want him to have. I think I am pretty well prepared and feel confident that most of it is a "no brainer" if you will.  But on the flip side I don't want to assume (the whole ass out of you and me thing) anything. So I have my list of the issues, my wants, needs and demands... I've also been given some secret ammo if needed.

wish us luck!

Primo Sports

Its no secret that I have been having a difficult time adjusting to our new life.. a family with special needs.  Social events have been a mixture of guilt and frustration, with no one really at blame but the inner demons that dwell inside me.  After our last birthday party I swore off ever attending another one.  There is just no fun in sitting by yourself with two babies and watching the party go by, with kids yelling and jumping and eating cake.. all of which my child can't do. but the problem is that I really do like the people hosting the events, and I like their great kids!  I thought I had a solution last week, when a close friend was having a party for her three year old, I figured I would take Miss Poo and leave Mr. Mr. home for his therapies.  This would mean that i could mingle with the other moms and not have to juggle two little ones.

Well, the best laid plans.....

so here I was last week, last minute throwing both kids in the car, and off to the birthday party at a sports place.  

I figured I better make the best out of it and pysched myself up

.

 Walker was ready for the party and we found it easily.  Inside there were indoor soccer fields, goals, cones, and astro turf all throughout the building, and I was quite skeptical how exactly we would manage but figured to give it my all.  so I wheeled Walker right out there and pushed him around, making him kick the soccer ball and score a goal. (I was doing more exercise than I have in a long time!)

Coach Jimmy who was engaging the children really included Walker!

Walker did so great!  He did get a little scared under the parachute but otherwise was really enjoying it!  So were the other kids!  Even Miss Poo got in on the action.

So it was a great day!! I got valuable information about a Special Ed program they run on saturdays and Walker was pooped!

If I hadn't brought Walker they would not have known about us, and I woudn't have learned about their program! 

So things do happen for a reason!

Ahhh... now I get it

Not long ago I was complaining to a friend about a relative of mine that just never seems to appreciate anything.  Whether it was clothes, food or rides, it all just seemed to be expected, and would pass without so much as a thank you.  My friend pointed out that since this relative really didn't have much, maybe she was just tired of saying thank you.  At that time I really couldn't comprehend it.... today though it clicked.

For parents that have children with special needs, they are tired and exhausted every day .  There is always something to do, fix or make.  For mothers out there, think of having an infant, those exhausting nights, the frustration; or think of the toddler years, the power struggle the need for independence without the ability. Now think of this for the rest of your life.  This is what parents with special needs children face every day.  No, they are not looking for your pity, but they are tired of asking for help!

• Don't ask them what is wrong when they are having a bad day, if they explain it they relive their guilt for feeling it. 

• Don't ask what you can do, just jump on in and do it.! 
• Bring a casserole, give their dog a bath, mow their lawn or simply send a note to say hi..

Because if they have to ask for help, its just one more thing on their to do list.

 

Walker's eval

Today was Walker's evaluation for preschool.  I was a little nervous about it because whenever the evaluations come its a hard pill to swallow.  Mostly the evaluations are about what Walker "cannot" do, this is just because its how the State and education system look at it to determine what services he is eligible for.  Its not a fun time for me, because it often just reiterates all of my fears about him.  Ramiah chose to stay home with Sawyer and my guess is its because he feels the same way, but one of us had to bring him so it was me!

I must say that the people at the center were really great!  The evaluation was done all together, and although it was a little overwhelming answering different questions simultaneously it was easier to get it over and done with!

The last part of the evaluation was what I was most interested in seeing, it was his evaluation in the classroom.  Since Walker has many sensory issues I wasn't sure how he would react to an environment with lots of action. He was also getting tired since it was cat nap time plus he did a lot of work during the evaluation that would normally tire him out!

I am happy to say that he loved it! At first he just sat pretty quiet, listening, but as the aides and teachers fawned over him he opened right up!  he was blowing raspberries and making his excited noises. 

I also have to say that one particular evaluator was sensitive to how the numbers will come out for his scores, since they will come out low, but wanted to prepare me for it.  It was refreshing!  Often times parents come out of doctors appointments, evaluations and other social situations feeling defeated once again that their child just doesn't measure up.  It just reinforced that this center is the right one for us!!

A beautiful day in Walden

Today was a GREAT day!!  The weather was beautiful and I was reminded how rich we really are!  Friends and family came out to walk by our side for an great organization call Able Children. This was their second year of promoting their organization and raising funds and I can't spread the word enough!!  This organization gets equipment out to Special Needs Children who either can't afford it or get lost in the bureaucracy of insurance and can't get what their child needs.

The day was beautiful!  Mason and Dylan were excited to be #1 and #2 (although, I think mason was a little upset to be #2)

My husbands brothers came out and so did my mother and sister with her family.

Dylan was going to run it, but then at the last minute got an escort to find us!

The course was pretty hilly, but definitely beautiful!

Even my friends from Stroller Strides came out and three of them are pregnant!!!

Thanks to Walker's PT he was nominated to get a corner seat!  Thanks Marcia!

So after our beautiful walk through the town of Walden, they presented Walker with his chair!  I know he will get a ton of use out of this chair! 

yes, we are rich!  rich with love from our friends and family and a community that supports us!