Monday, August 16, 2010

Good and bad

Good days and bad days, we all have them! Some people have more than others, some have them all in one day with the pendulum swinging back and forth. While you are in the middle of a bad day, its hard to see the other side. When Walker is having a bad day, the whole house is having a bad day!  Its not because he is such a tyrant that it explodes everywhere, its more because we cannot help him figure out what he wants or what he needs and we are exhausted!

Communication is something that most of us take for granted.  I used to morn the fact that I have never heard him say "mama" or wonder if he will ever tell me he loves me. But now, I am fully understanding the frustration that he must have at not being able to tell me what he needs. Last night he was very tired, and we put him in his bed, but after thirty minutes of him rolling around in there I figured he must still be hungry or thirsty. When I brought him back out and offered him a bottle he drank it but was screaming the entire time.  He was throwing his body around  and stiffening his legs.  He was obviously really, really mad!  So I put him in his chair, mashed up a banana and offered him that.  He relaxed and ate, (but still was a little grumble)

These moments come often and sometimes everyday. I can see how frustrated he is and how mad he becomes when we don't know what he is trying to say! His speech therapist and us at home are working with him to do some simple signs or reach out for options, but I am not sure cognitively if he gets it.  I am worried that he never will!  What kind of a life is that? I fast forward ten years, and think, "man, how am I going to handle a teenager like this?" At the same time, I wonder, is he signing in his own way and I am not seeing it? Its hard when you are tired and trying all the tricks in the book to stand back and recognize if he is in fact doing something to tell us. I just hope with repetition and time we both can figure this out!  I would like more good days than bad for him!

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